My Writing Experience (My Semi Charmed Life)
When I published the book, My Semi Charmed Life (MSCL) in 2009, I was sure I knew the purpose for writing it. The book is about the different losses I faced through several deaths and divorces and the associated traumas and trials that come with those life changing events. I talk about how I persevered through it all finally coming to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. I also believed part of my purpose in life was to help others find their soul’s purpose and I did this by merely sharing my story, writing the book, trying to inspire others to fight on and figure it out. I was told by some it helped and inspired them and I was even told by two different moms that it helped their daughters from considering suicide as an option. Hearing that was enough for me to know my purpose was fully served, what could be more rewarding than hearing I helped these two young ladies have the will to live?
I think these girls must have realized after reading my story that someone always does have it worse off and perhaps they also learned from my personal suicide attempt that I write of, that suicide is never an option, no matter how bad life gets. Life is to be valued not vacated in anyway (mentally or physically). The bottom line is we should strive everyday to live a valued life not strive to vacate it.
After I wrote MSCL and thought I had it all figured out and had “served my purpose” I came to find out I didn’t quite get the lesson I was trying to relay that clearly myself. In fact in order to really start living a valued life, I had to personally meet someone who had it worse off than me. I also had to go through seven more years of losses that included more deaths in my circle, more financial despair, and an unexpected unexplained chronic health issue that cost me mentally, physically and financially. A tornado of sorts that I never imagined I would find myself in when I closed the last chapter of MSCL.
Potentially, I had to personally go through another slow breaking earthquake, followed by another tsunami to come to the conclusion that it really is about how we live our life during the hard knocks and not as much about why the knocks are constantly pushing us down. It’s about forgiving the not so great stuff in our life and then finding a way to take some value from those hardships and live a life that’s not only valued by others but valued by you personally as well. In most cases, others close to us tend to value our lives more than we value our own and it really should be the reverse.
I thought if I figured out why the bad stuff was all happening, it would make life better for me when it happened and the fact is it didn’t. It just frustrated me more asking why. The sequel to MSCL is entitled Not Why, But How and is forthcoming and describes the evolution I made and what brought me full circle from the message I relay in MSCL. Both messages are equally important and when I reflect on my life and both books now it really solidifies for me that nothing that happened to me happened by accident. Repeating some of the worst trials one can go through only helped me to better manage the issues the second time around. The words you live and you learn couldn’t be truer than when describing my life.
So on my road less traveled journey, I found out it’s not about constantly understanding why bad things happen in our life (because they inevitably will), it’s about how we react to them. It’s about getting up and facing the trials with the best attitude we can muster day-by-day. It’s about proudly taking on the good and the bad equally with grace versus hosting pity parties verbally or on social media these days where you invite people in and bitterly ask them why the trials are happening to begin with. It’s about treating ourselves and others well, fairly and with respect that really defines us, despite our race, religion or beliefs. After all, under our skin and beyond our beliefs we are all souls and are equal when we are born and when we die, so we should treat each other as such in between. Unfortunately, not everyone lives in that pie in the sky bubble and can achieve those simple measures because they forget they are choices we make. Believe me, neither did I for a long time, so I’m not judging, but they are simply choices of how we conduct ourselves and if everyone could just see it that way and work at it, we would have achieved wide spread world peace by now and not be living in the very divisive times we currently find ourselves in.
That said, remember that questioning the hateful or negative things that occur in life is very easy to do, it’s usually the first thing we do and that’s human nature, but we have to remember it just creates more havoc to do so and typically solves nothing. History has proven that to be a fact. Solving problems compassionately and constructively versus questioning them should be priority in all matters of life, but also learning to let go of the things we can’t solve or change should be even more of a personal priority for everyone.
Letting go and not asking why, merely takes forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and others really becomes the ultimate answer of how to live a valued, judge free life. Forgiveness is very freeing to our souls. It frees us from any person or situation we are powerless over, whether it be past, present or future and allows us to just live without reservation and in peace. To live without bitterness, to live without fear, to live without hate, to live without envy and to live without worry. What a freeing concept, all it takes is forgiveness and that leads to acceptance and that leads to peace, it’s as simple as that.
Forgiving yourself first, then forgiving the situations that come your way that you could do without, as well as forgiving others, are the key steps to take. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but it can be done. The effort and accomplishing it is on you. First you need to find ways to connect internally to find your inner peace where you can best hear that inner voice that helps you forgive, that tells you how to find the peace to do it. I meditate daily to music and I also dance, read, write, walk or run to destress. These things help me achieve this level of peace that allows me to forgive daily.
Forgiveness isn’t something you can do once and stop, it is something you want to practice constantly until it becomes second nature. If you look within, you will find the de-stressors that will personally work for you to help you achieve this level of peace. Just always listen to the voice within, when you ask it with faith and kindness for what you want, it won’t let you down.
I hope taking these steps towards forgiveness you will find that you will start flying through life more freely, valuing it and focusing on how to live every day like it’s your last versus falling through life fearfully constantly questioning why you are living it to begin with. I hope you also take some time to read My Semi Charmed Life as well as the sequel Not Why, But How when it is released. Both books are easy reads and are truly meant to help inspire the reader to live and let live and forgive because that’s what they ultimately did for me.